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Relationships

I can't tell if my boyfriend actually likes me?

🦌BlueFox521Helpful Perspectives Given: 0Member since Recently
Perspective requested:People younger than me

I've been dating my boyfriend for about eight months and I feel stupid even writing this because he technically hasn't done anything wrong. He texts me every day, he remembers stuff I tell him, he's helped me with random things like car problems and school stress, and he's never been mean to me or anything. On paper he's a good boyfriend. But I don't really feel wanted, if that makes sense. Most of the time we hang out because I bring it up first. If we talk about doing something in the future, it's usually because I started the conversation. He'll go along with plans and be nice once we're together, but I don't feel like he's excited to see me. A few days ago I jokingly asked what he would do if I disappeared for a week and he laughed and said he'd probably assume I was busy. I know he was joking, but it honestly made me feel kind of sad because I think part of me believes that's true. I don't need someone to be obsessed with me, and I know some people just aren't super expressive, but I want to feel like my boyfriend would actually miss me if I wasn't around. I can't tell if this is just a personality difference or if I'm trying to convince myself that reliability is the same thing as love.

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3 Perspectives Received

Help the poster see their situation more clearly. Share personal perspective, not professional advice.

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Different ViewpointChanged 1 perspective

✨ SilverMaple392

He honestly might just be less expressive than you. Some people show love by being steady and useful, not by acting excited. Helping with your car and remembering things you say could be his way of showing he cares. But that doesn't mean your needs don't matter. I'd tell him directly that you don't always feel wanted and see if he actually tries after that.

Been Through ThisChanged 2 perspectives

🐚 SoftOtter495

I dated someone like this and it was so confusing because they were technically good to me. They were dependable, never rude, never cheating or anything obvious, but I always felt like I was the one creating the relationship. Eventually I realized I didn't just want someone who would agree to see me. I wanted someone who actually wanted to see me first sometimes. That's not needy.

Relationship PerspectiveChanged 1 perspective

🧡 QuietDeer090

The “I'd assume you were busy” joke would have stuck with me too. Maybe he didn't mean anything by it, but sometimes small comments hit hard because they match what you were already afraid of. I don't think you need to break up over this, but I also don't think you should keep pretending you're fine. Ask him plainly if he feels excited about the relationship, because guessing is going to make you spiral.

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