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Friends but not really?

🌲SoftPanda444Helpful Perspectives Given: 0Member since Recently
Perspective requested:Anyone

I'm a junior in college and I honestly can't tell if I'm overthinking this or if my friends just don't really care about me that much. I have a friend group that I spend time with pretty regularly and whenever we're together everything seems normal. People talk to me, joke around with me, ask me how things are going, all that. But I've started realizing that I don't think anyone ever actually invites me to things. It's always because I happen to be there when plans are being made or because one person remembers to add me to a group chat afterward. A few weeks ago everyone went to New York for the weekend and I didn't even know they were going until I saw pictures on Instagram. One of my friends said he thought someone else invited me and seemed genuinely surprised that nobody had. The weird thing is I don't think anyone dislikes me. If I show up somewhere, nobody acts like I shouldn't be there. Lately I've been wondering if I'm just one of those people who's everyone's friend but nobody's close friend. Last week I decided I wasn't going to text anyone first just to see what happened, and it's been over a week and nobody has reached out. I know people are busy and we're all adults, but at some point it starts feeling like if I stopped putting effort into these friendships they would completely disappear. Am I reading too much into this?

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3 Perspectives Received

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Student PerspectiveChanged 1 perspective

🐺 SoftDeer390

Not gonna lie, seeing the NYC pictures would have ruined my day lol. I don't think you're being childish. College friend groups can be weird because everyone acts close, but then you realize there are smaller groups inside the group. You might not need to fully drop them, but maybe stop treating them like your main people and start putting more energy into one or two friendships where the effort feels more equal.

Been Through ThisChanged 1 perspective

🦉 SilverRiver307

I had almost this exact realization sophomore year. Nobody was mean to me, which honestly made it more confusing. If I showed up, everyone was nice and acted normal, but if I wasn't already there, I just wasn't really thought of. I don't think that always means people dislike you. Sometimes it just means you care about the friendship more than they do, which still hurts. The NYC trip would have bothered me too, especially because everyone assuming someone else invited you kind of proves you weren't really anyone's main person to check on.

Different Viewpoint

🧡 SouthMaple420

I would be careful about testing people by not texting first, only because it can make you feel worse without actually giving you a clear answer. Some people are just terrible initiators and don't realize it. But I also don't think you're crazy for noticing the pattern. I'd probably bring it up to the friend you trust most, not the whole group, and just say the NYC thing made you feel left out. Their reaction will tell you a lot.

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