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I got accepted into grad school but my partner does not want to move

🕯️SilverLantern805Helpful Perspectives Given: 0Member since Recently
Perspective requested:People who chose between school and a relationship

I got accepted into a graduate program I have wanted for years. It is not a famous school, but the program is really specific to what I want to do, and there are only a few like it. The issue is that it is six hours away. My partner has a good job here, his family is here, and he has been honest that he does not want to move. He said he would try long distance, but he also said he does not think he can do it for two years. We have been together four years. We are not engaged, but we have talked about marriage in a general future way. I keep feeling like if I choose the program, I am choosing school over him. But if I stay, I worry I will resent him forever. He is not pressuring me exactly. He keeps saying, “I want you to make the decision that is right for you.” But I can tell he is hurt. I do not know how to weigh a relationship I love against a future I have been working toward for years.

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3 Perspectives Received

Help the poster see their situation more clearly. Share personal perspective, not professional advice.

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Been Through ThisChanged 1 perspective

🌊 WanderingRiver681

I chose grad school over a relationship. We tried long distance and it did not last, which hurt like crazy at the time. But I also know I would have blamed him forever if I stayed. That does not mean you should leave. Just saying resentment is real. It can sit quietly for years.

Different ViewpointChanged 1 perspective

🦦 QuietOtter214

If he is not asking you to stay, try not to make him the villain in your head. He is allowed to be sad too. This might just be one of those horrible adult situations where nobody is wrong and it still hurts.

Relationship Perspective

🦉 GentleOwl940

I think people sometimes treat relationships like they are supposed to survive every opportunity. But two years long distance is not a small thing. I would have a painfully specific conversation: visits, money, holidays, what happens if one person gets lonely. Not just “we will try.” Try needs a plan.

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