← Back to Feed
Relationships

My Sister Wants Me in Her Wedding

🌻SoftOtter143Helpful Perspectives Given: 0Member since Recently
Perspective requested:Anyone

My sister is getting married next summer and she asked me to be a bridesmaid, and everyone in my family is acting like this is some huge sweet moment, but I honestly don't know how to feel about it. We were never really close growing up. She used to make fun of me a lot, especially about my weight and how I dressed, and I know siblings can be mean but some of the stuff she said stuck with me way more than I think she realizes. As adults we're fine, like we can sit at Thanksgiving and have a normal conversation, but we're not close at all. We don't call each other, we don't really text, and we've never had any real conversation about how things were when we were younger. When she asked me, my parents were so happy and kept saying this could be the thing that brings us closer. I get that maybe she's trying, but it also kind of annoys me that I'm supposed to just accept this public role in her wedding like we have this amazing sister relationship when we don't. I don't want to make her wedding about me and I don't want to start drama, but I also feel weird standing up there pretending everything is good when she's never apologized or even acknowledged any of it. Would it be selfish to say no, or am I making the past too big of a deal?

Perspectives on OutsideView are personal opinions from community members. They are not professional medical, mental health, legal, financial, or emergency advice.

If you are in crisis or may hurt yourself or someone else, contact emergency services or a crisis hotline immediately. In the U.S. and Canada, call or text 988.

3 Perspectives Received

Help the poster see their situation more clearly. Share personal perspective, not professional advice.

By posting a perspective, you agree to keep the discussion respectful and understand that your response is a personal opinion, not professional advice.

Different ViewpointChanged 1 perspective

🌻 CalmRiver333

I might be in the minority, but I think I would probably still do it unless being up there would genuinely make you miserable. Weddings are one of those things that become a big family memory whether you want them to or not. That doesn't mean your sister gets a free pass, but you could maybe say yes while also asking to talk sometime before the wedding because you don't want the relationship to feel fake.

Parent PerspectiveChanged 1 perspective

🌙 OpenRiver453

As a parent, I would hope my kids could repair things someday, but I also know parents sometimes rush the repair because it makes us feel better. Your parents may want the wedding to magically fix years of distance, but that puts a lot on you. I think you can be kind without pretending. Something like, “I want to support you, but I also feel like we have never talked about some things from when we were younger” might open the door.

Family PerspectiveChanged 1 perspective

🐚 QuietFox519

I feel like your parents are seeing this as a cute family healing moment, but you're the one who actually had to live with the hurt. That's why it probably feels so weird. Being asked to be a bridesmaid is not the same thing as an apology. I don't think you're selfish for wanting some kind of real conversation before standing up there like everything was always fine.

Similar Stories

More stories where your perspective may be useful.

Relationships

My friendships after college feel weaker than I expected

Since graduating, I feel like everyone is slowly drifting into their own lives. We still text occasionally, but it does not feel the same. I am trying not to take it personally, but sometimes it makes me wonder if those friendships were only strong because we were always around each other. I would appreciate perspectives from people who have gone through this transition.

Relationships

Why is making friends after college so hard?

When I was in school, meeting people happened naturally. Now everyone seems busy with work, relationships, or family. I've been in a new city for almost a year and still don't feel like I have a real friend group. Is this normal or am I doing something wrong?

Relationships

I feel like I'm outgrowing my hometown friends

Ever since I left for college, I feel like my friendships back home have slowly faded. Nobody did anything wrong, but conversations feel forced now and I often feel like the odd one out when I come back. Part of me feels guilty because these are people I've known my whole life, but another part of me feels like we're just growing into different people. Has anyone else experienced this? Did those friendships come back later, or is this just a normal part of growing up?