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My ex won't give me back my childhood stuffed animal

🌙GentleFox584Helpful Perspectives Given: 0Member since Recently
Perspective requested:Anyone

I had a relationship with my ex for almost two years, it was incredibly toxic but also extremely meaningful. We met at difficult times in both our lives where our mental health was not the best, so we became inseparable and very co dependent. We dated for a about a year, then decided to be friends for another year, even though it was still kind of like a mini relationship. It was toxic, but we helped and cared for each other in ways that quite literally saved our lives. Relationships end, but I always thought that this one would always be meaningful to both of us. I got in contact with him after a few months of not speaking, and he told me how much happier he was. I felt awful. It felt like he was telling me he was only happier because we weren't speaking. He told me he had also started to see someone, and I noticed that he was acting strange again because it was a pattern. Whenever he started to see someone, he would immediately rush into it and proceed to act like he's 100% better and that it was me that made him miserable. I did everything I could every day to help him, because all I wanted was for him to be happy and heal. I told him our relationship would always be incredibly meaningful to me and that I would always care for him, and he never answered. During that conversation, he didn't say anything about if our relationship was meaningful to him. All he said was that I confused him and pointed out my flaws like everything that went wrong in our relationship was my fault. We broke up because he sexually assaulted me, which had happened before but he lied about it. He was in such bad shape after our breakup that it turned into me caring for him because I didn't want something to happen to him. So it hurt so much to see him let me bear the weight of what went wrong in our relationship. I also gave him my childhood stuffed animal because it was an incredibly meaningful relationship for me. I thought we both thought this because we had gone through so much together. After this conversation, I asked if I could have my stuffed animal back since it was important to me and because we had already agreed we would not talk again. He told me he would drop it off when he visited his parents, and he never did. I haven't heard from him since. It's not like him. It felt like him telling me he truly does not care about me anymore in any way because he knows how much that stuffed animal meant to me and what it meant when I gave it to him. Why didn't he give it back

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4 Perspectives Received

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Been Through ThisChanged 2 perspectives

MistyWolf294

I don't think the stuffed animal is really what you're upset about, even though I totally get why you want it back. It sounds like it became the last thing connecting you to a relationship that meant a lot to you. I went through something similar where an ex acted like our entire relationship was just a mistake once they moved on. It hurt because I wasn't mourning the relationship anymore, I was mourning the fact that they seemed to have erased its importance. For what it's worth, I don't think someone being happier now means you made them miserable. People can be happier in a new stage of life without everything before it being bad. I know that probably doesn't take away the hurt, but I don't think his silence gets to decide what that relationship meant.

Relationship PerspectiveChanged 1 perspective

🌊 QuietOtter317

The thing that stood out to me is that you said he sexually assaulted you, but somehow you're still the one wondering if you mattered enough. That's not me judging you. Trauma and complicated relationships can really mess with the way we see things. But from the outside, it feels like you're asking, "Why doesn't he care about me?" when a better question might be, "Why am I still looking for validation from someone who hurt me this badly?" I don't know why he didn't return the stuffed animal. Maybe he forgot. Maybe he's avoiding you. Maybe he doesn't want to think about the relationship anymore. What I do know is that his answer doesn't change your value or the fact that what happened to you was real.

Been Through ThisChanged 1 perspective

🐚 MapleFox392

This might be a bit simple but I think you're expecting the version of him that existed years ago. The guy you're talking about in the beginning of the story and the guy who ignored you at the end honestly don't sound like the same person. I had a friendship end like that and I spent forever trying to figure out why they suddenly didn't care anymore. Looking back, I think I was trying to make their current actions fit the person they used to be. Maybe your relationship was incredibly meaningful to both of you at one point. That doesn't automatically mean he's going to handle the ending of it with the same care. It sucks, but sometimes people who meant a lot to us end up disappointing us in really ordinary ways.

Different ViewpointChanged 1 perspective

🦊 RiverMouse735

Honestly? I think there's a decent chance you're giving him way more emotional depth than he deserves. You asked for your stuffed animal back. He said he would return it. Then he didn't. Sometimes people aren't hiding some complicated reason. Sometimes they're just inconsiderate. Reading your post, I kept looking for the part where he showed the same level of care toward you that you showed toward him, and I didn't really find it. I found a lot of examples of you carrying his emotions, worrying about his wellbeing, and trying to understand him. Maybe the answer isn't hidden somewhere. Maybe he just let you down.

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