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My friend group still talks to my ex and I feel replaced

🦦QuietOtter214Helpful Perspectives Given: 0Member since Recently
Perspective requested:People who have shared friend groups with an ex

I broke up with my boyfriend about five months ago. We dated for almost two years, and we were both part of the same friend group. The breakup was not dramatic. No cheating, no huge fight. We just wanted different things and eventually admitted it. At first everyone was careful and checked in on me. Now it feels like things have shifted. He still gets invited to everything. Sometimes I do too, but it feels like people are making sure he is comfortable first. Last weekend I saw pictures from a birthday dinner I was not invited to, and he was sitting next to two of my closest friends. I know they are allowed to stay friends with him. I do not want to be controlling or make people choose sides. But I feel like I lost the relationship and somehow also lost my place in the group. Part of me wants to say something. Another part of me thinks this is just what happens when friend groups overlap.

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3 Perspectives Received

Help the poster see their situation more clearly. Share personal perspective, not professional advice.

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Been Through ThisChanged 1 perspective

🦊 HiddenFox472

I went through something similar and the weirdest part was realizing people were not trying to replace me. They were just avoiding discomfort, and avoiding discomfort usually benefits the person who seems easier to hang out with. I would say something to one or two close friends, not the whole group. Something like, “I know no one is trying to choose sides, but I have been feeling pushed out and I miss feeling included.”

Different Viewpoint

🐦 CalmSparrow319

I might disagree a little with the idea that you should not make people choose. Sometimes people do make choices, they just do it quietly and then act like it is neutral. If they keep inviting him and not you, that is information. Painful information, but still information.

Different Viewpoint

🕯️ SilverLantern805

Honestly I would not bring up the birthday dinner while you are still raw about it. I have done that and it came out way more accusatory than I meant. Maybe first ask yourself who you actually miss, not just what group position you lost. Then start with those people.

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