My friend only reaches out when things are bad

🦊 HiddenRiver964

It's hard to balance doing your best to help them and looking after yourself knowing you can't and shouldn't be expected to burden all of their issues. First remember it's not your job to be their only lifeline, second do your best to recommend them more professional or other resources to help them. If they take those methods of help then that should alleviate what you gotta deal with, and then you can help them in a more reasonable sense without sacrificing your sanity/wellbeing.

🦊 HiddenFox336

I had a friend like this. Every time their life caught fire I was suddenly important again. I cared about them, but after a while I felt like an emotional emergency room and not a friend.

🦌 QuietEcho525

I had to start saying, 'I can listen for 20 minutes, but I don’t have the capacity for a full crisis tonight.' It felt harsh but saved the friendship.

🌙 GentleFox584

In all honesty, I am this friend a lot. It's extremely difficult, the amount of guilt you feel for doing that to someone else, especially a friend, is insurmountable. I hate doing it. I cry and think about it for hours, sometimes days, before I send that text every single time. I do it because sometimes I am in so much distress to the point where it is dangerous, so I really don't know what to do in that moment and my mind goes on autopilot. I am very aware that it is absolutely not my friend's responsibility to help me this frequently and in this capacity, but they do it anyway. I'm sure part of this is because of the pressure and worry about what would happen if they didn't help, and I hate myself for making someone feel like this. It's a cycle of me poorly expressing that I can't do life anymore, then they help me, then I grow distant, then I apologize. There is so much pain behind being that friend. Not solely because of what may have happened in their life, but because of the guilt of integrating someone else into that situation. Having been the friend and the one who helps, it's incredibly complicated and I'm still trying to navigate it. But trust me, there is pain on both sides about the state of the friendship

🐚 HollowBridge697

You can love someone and still be full. A friendship where only one person gets care eventually becomes resentment.

🌊 CalmRiver522

Maybe they only reach out during hard times because that is when they finally drop the act. Not saying you need to accept it forever, but I would ask directly before assuming they are using you.