← Back to Feed
RelationshipsWeekly Reflection

My friend only reaches out when things are bad

🕊️LostPine766Helpful Perspectives Given: 0Member since Recently
Perspective requested:Been Through This

I love my friend but lately every conversation is a crisis. Breakup, work drama, family argument, panic spiral. I try to be there, but I’m starting to dread seeing their name pop up. When I’m having a hard time, they’re usually too overwhelmed to listen. I feel mean saying this because they really are struggling, but I’m tired. Where’s the line between being supportive and becoming someone’s emotional trash can?

Perspectives on OutsideView are personal opinions from community members. They are not professional medical, mental health, legal, financial, or emergency advice.

If you are in crisis or may hurt yourself or someone else, contact emergency services or a crisis hotline immediately. In the U.S. and Canada, call or text 988.

5 Perspectives Received

Help the poster see their situation more clearly. Share personal perspective, not professional advice.

By posting a perspective, you agree to keep the discussion respectful and understand that your response is a personal opinion, not professional advice.

Been Through ThisChanged 1 perspective

🦊 HiddenRiver964

It's hard to balance doing your best to help them and looking after yourself knowing you can't and shouldn't be expected to burden all of their issues. First remember it's not your job to be their only lifeline, second do your best to recommend them more professional or other resources to help them. If they take those methods of help then that should alleviate what you gotta deal with, and then you can help them in a more reasonable sense without sacrificing your sanity/wellbeing.

Changed 1 perspective

🦊 HiddenFox336

I had a friend like this. Every time their life caught fire I was suddenly important again. I cared about them, but after a while I felt like an emotional emergency room and not a friend.

Been Through ThisChanged 1 perspective

🦌 QuietEcho525

I had to start saying, 'I can listen for 20 minutes, but I don’t have the capacity for a full crisis tonight.' It felt harsh but saved the friendship.

Relationship Perspective

🐚 HollowBridge697

You can love someone and still be full. A friendship where only one person gets care eventually becomes resentment.

🌊 CalmRiver522

Maybe they only reach out during hard times because that is when they finally drop the act. Not saying you need to accept it forever, but I would ask directly before assuming they are using you.

Similar Stories

More stories where your perspective may be useful.

Relationships

My friendships after college feel weaker than I expected

Since graduating, I feel like everyone is slowly drifting into their own lives. We still text occasionally, but it does not feel the same. I am trying not to take it personally, but sometimes it makes me wonder if those friendships were only strong because we were always around each other. I would appreciate perspectives from people who have gone through this transition.

Relationships

Should I tell a friend they hurt me if they probably did not mean to?

A close friend made a comment that really embarrassed me in front of other people. I do not think they meant to be cruel, but I have been thinking about it for days. Part of me wants to bring it up, and another part of me worries that I am being too sensitive or creating unnecessary tension.

Relationships

Should I tell my friend I don’t like their partner?

My close friend is dating someone who talks down to them in public. Not screaming or anything obvious. Just little jokes that aren’t jokes. My friend laughs it off. I’m worried if I say something, they’ll defend the partner and pull away from me. But if I say nothing, I feel like I’m being fake. Has anyone handled this well?